After my attempt at suicide, I tried to find information about my feelings and what others were feeling. Each year I did - 2004, 2007, and 2013 - the Red Sox went on to win the World Series. Simply put unless you die the battle won or pain doesnt matter. I fantasize a lot about suicide. Trackback URL At this point, the instinct is what keeps me living. 10 Reasons Teens Avoid Telling Parents about Suicidal Thoughts. How Parents Can Support a Child With Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Survivor Stories Empowered Me to Live, How Ive Survived and Thrived with Suicidal Thoughts, A Personal Note to Readers of Speaking of Suicide, Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals, psychotherapist and consultant in private practice. But what about people like me? Theyre asking anyone "who may have been walking, biking, running, who commute over the bridge particularly Wednesday mornings at that time" to share information if they might have seen West or anything that can help locate the missing teen. Even so, bridge foreman Arthur Olson caught up with the stuntman as the crowd gathered, and grabbed him, but lost his grip, only succeeding in ripping free one of the harnesses. Ive been hospitalized 4 times in the past 6 weeks, after my 9th suicide attempt. Syd, Ive always loved you from the bottom of my heart, since the minute I saw your eyes open. The four-second fall from the Golden Gate Bridge sends a person plunging . Somehow I survived. There were probably signs that you had a drinking problem from the very beginning. It was a startling revelation. Pandora I was driving toward the Hoover Dam bypass bridge from Memphis over 4 years ago to jump off. In fact, Dusty told his friend to shoot from the bridge as it would be more dramatic, and besides, he would easily be able to swim to shore to a congratulatory, awestruck crowd of beach goers. West was last seen on the Golden Gate Bridge onSept. 30, 2020 just before 7 a.m., according to the San Francisco Police Department. But he didnt and will never know that what he had actually solved only his own problem- feeling/depression. It is always wonderful to hear from someone who made it out to the other side. Im sorry to hear about all the pain youve been through. The ongoing survival of people who attempt suicide is not (always) inevitable. I feel if I constantly feel like this over the years why dont I just die now? Also Live Through This website has beautiful portraits (photographic but also in prose) of people who survived a suicide attempt. The attempt was no cry for help. Andrew has written for The Atlantic, Vice, SF Weekly, the San Francisco Chronicle, McSweeney's, The Bold Italic, Drowned in Sound and many other places. "We know that there was a lot of pedestrian, car and bicycle traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge the morning Sydney disappeared. Bonnie. I just need time to tidy up affairs, belongings, finances, assemble the plan. ( West was last seen on the morning of Sept. 30 on the iconic bridge. 2023 Audacy, Inc. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. When I woke up a day later, my depression had greatly improved. My husband killed himself 6 weeks ago at home to put a closure on our marital problem. User account menu. At the time, a made for TV movie, named Silence of the Heart came out. Friends and family may rally to their side. Lorraine Rhodes was destitute, and asked Show Folks of America to help pay for the funeral, which they did. Anyone who has seen her since is also asked to contact San Francisco police at 415-575-4444 or the family's private investigator at 925-705-8328. I wonder if you might benefit from talking with like-minded folks at I wish you all the very best and I pray you each find a way to manage and control the thoughts of suicide. This is perhaps the best argument for preventing suicide. Michael Horan at 415-553-1028 or the family's private investigator at 925-705-8328. Im sorry to hear of your loss The Pittsburg Sun-Telegraph on May 2, 1948. Here Are My Reasons. The entire bridge in covered with CCTV cameras monitored 24/7, and footage is retained for 6 months as it is federal land and monitored by Homeland Security. I tried by drinking mosquito poison. Sydney Harbour Bridge has a suicide prevention barrier. My overdose gave me seizures. If you havent already joined a support group for other suicide loss survivors, that might help you; such groups are available in person and online. This is a terribly hard process, and I hope that youre able to get help and support from others. She was last seen in the area around 6:45 a.m. He traveled from L.A. to San Francisco days before the jump to prepare, and holed up in the Grand Southern Hotel on Mission Street with his cameraman to wait for a clear day so the footage would look beautiful when it was watched on news channels from coast to coast. I died that day too. I feel fortunate and very grateful that so many individuals take their time and devote energy to sharing what they have experienced in their lives-it is so difficult for most people to understand in its wholeness-the value of life ..the science of every day living and the extreme depth and mystery and solstice to human beings, but one way to start understanding why people: innocents commit suicide is to acknowlege the exact factors of why a healthy person would just turn off the switch to existence. "Jump." That's the word Kevin Hines heard in his head on September 25, 2000, as he stood on the Golden Gate Bridge. I worry almost everyday that Ill maim myself again and not die. For example, he may be telling himself that the way he feels and is now is the way he will feel and be forever. I wanted to distance myself from it as much as I could so that people would leave me alone. I have battled the thoughts of suicide for many years but after I had children those thoughts died. The Oscars will air on ABC and can be streamed on and the ABC app as well as Hulu + Live TV, YouTube TV, AT&T TV or FuboTV. I also knew that there was no hope whatsoever for what was wrong with me. It is true that. You also can find other places to get help by phone, email, chat, or text at [This comment was edited to abide by the Comments Policy. I pretended to have an awakening and successfully faked a born-again quality joy that warded off the idiotic, feeble attempts of others to help me. Sydney West is from Chapel Hill, North Carolina, but also grew up in the Pleasanton area. "No detail is too small," said her mother, Kimberly West. Anyone with information is asked to call 415-575-4444. Berkeley. After the war, people were looking for entertainment in 1940's San Francisco, but TVs were not yet common in homes, public hangings were history and the 49ers hadnt joined the NFL yet. I find myself returning to that time in my life and wondering if this is the way Im supposed to go, or if the survival instinct will continue to win. "Syd," as she liked to be called, was initially thought to have last been seen or heard from early the morning of September 30 in the Crissy Field area. Additionally, Hines takes medication and . : The Fate of Suicide Attempt Survivors, A Follow-up Study of Suicide Attempters from. He might also have refused to remove the gun from the home, too. West, 20, grew up in Pleasanton, Calif. She was a star volleyball player at Foothill High School and loved singing at open mic nights. He and his wife lived in Tracy and had an adorable . 19-year-old Sydney West was last seen Sept. 30. On average, 30 people or more die from suicide here each year. I often want to jump off the bridge by my apartment. Obviously, I failed. But its possible theres not more you could have done. I hope you will read it and take its words to heart. Getting through them is the way to make your life your own again.. It seems to be an if all else fails, Ill just kill myself attempt to cope that gives me short-term comfort but itlike alcoholonly provides temporary relief and Im still left with my limited ability to cope with life. Key to my recovery was becoming realistic about my part in creating the calamity called my life, but also needed to recognize others responsibilities as well. There is not much known about the day Sydney disappeared. Her Disappearance: Sydney West was a 19-year-old freshman at U.C. Car plunges off California elevated highway, 3 people killed. Note: I wanted to make this post to hopefully create some sort of discussion around the case since it was almost a year and a half ago. Ive worked in Mental health, Ive lost a family member through suicide. His father had died by suicide and even though I knew all of this, I couldnt see the forest through the trees. Press J to jump to the feed. At 11:45 a.m. on Sept. 20, 2013 Kyle Gamboa stopped his truck in the middle of the highway, stepped out, ran onto the pedestrian walkway and jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge to his death. Clad in two suits, weighted boots, football padding, another rubber suit and a football helmet that onlookers described as giving him a man-from-Mars look, Rhodes also had three parachutes on his back to ease his fall. I understand completely. Aside from seeing a therapist, I didnt find anything out there to help. While living in San Francisco West enjoyed singing and playing the piano for open mic nights around the city. She was last seen wearing a light teal hoodie, dark leggings, and slip-on vans sneakers with dark green and black print. Sometimes, life just sucks and the pain of living is unbearable. Rhodes press agent, Susan Todd, told reporters that Dusty had painstakingly calculated the speed of his fall, how he would hit the water and other details, as he did when he prepared for his movie stunts. If you want to talk with someone immediately by phone, text, or chat, please check out the Resources page. Wests parents said they have now hired a private investigator who is working with the San Francisco Police Department and Orange County (North Carolina) Sheriffs Department. West, 19, disappeared on a foggy San Francisco morning, around 6:45 a.m. to 7 a.m. Wednesday, Sept. 30 on the Golden Gate Bridge. of the different medications. There are many people with children whose pain or distorted thinking overrides all else, in spite of their best wishes. Thank you. Part of Audacy. "Together we will find Sydney and bring her home," her mother said. I think this message needs to be made more clear and put in ads, etc. Well living isnt what its cracked up to be. News. Sydneyhas not used her phone, social media or bank accounts since she disappeared. This Walking Pad treadmill made getting 10,000 steps a How to get tickets for Depeche Mode's new tour dates. Camera footage has been reviewed and interviews have been conducted among West's friends and acquaintances, but there are no leads. Sydney Harbour Bridge, the Golden Gate lacks a suicide barrier . Im wondering if youve seen the post If Only: Self-Blame After a Loved Ones Suicide. Sydney West never returned home, and has not been heard from since. SAN FRANCISCO (CBS SF) The family of a UC Berkeley freshman who disappeared last September has offered a $10,000 reward for information in connection with the case. According to Find Sydney West, there is a $25,000 reward for information that leads to finding Syd, who is described as 5'10 tall and about 130 pounds with blue eyes and blonde hair. Any suggestions? Perfectly so. It is wonderful that having children seems to have inoculated you against suicidal thoughts. I fully expected to talk to her the next day, Jay West told KRON4. Thank you for providing this site. The details of your life will, of course, be different but we have our humanness in common. Video footage from the bridge has been carefully reviewed by investigators but due to foggy and smoky conditions camera views where obstructed making it impossible to tell her exact location on the bridge. Hundreds more are stopped from harming themselves through the efforts of the Golden Gate Bridge District . Im afraid to try again and it just adds for anger, desperation, loss of control over my own life and guilt for those in my life who have to worry. Praying for you. Life really sucked and so did I. I blamed myself for everything that was wrong and then some. In 2013, 118 potential jumpers were talked down from their attempts and did not jump. This site continues to distract me from my suicidal thoughts. Thank you for reaching out to Joan and offering your support. Will I Be Committed to a Mental Hospital if I Tell a Therapist about my Suicidal Thoughts? SF]. So when crazy people did crazy things in public places, excited crowds would gather. She is described as standing 5'10", weighing about 130 pounds, with light brown hair and blue eyes and possibly wearing glasses. They then examine the demographic characteristics of those who commit suicide from the bridge as well as the fatal attraction of the Golden Gate Bridge. It would be logical to assume that being prevented from jumping merely delayed their death. If your child will play baseball or softball this spring, youll need to stock up on appropriate clothing and equipment. And now Ive been out of rehab for 5 months and its weird because all a sudden everything is going my way now. 2021 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved. Since Sept. 30, there has been no activity on her phone or credit cards. Dusty thought he could do the same but let everyone see it, and so employed the services of his pal, Hollywood cameraman Jose Guzman, to capture the jump on film. We are going to keep looking.. Sydney Kaitlyn West, 19, was last seen near the Golden Gate Bridge around 6:45 a.m. on September 30, 2020. "We have a lot of people that are asking us for information.". The San Francisco Police Department's tip line can be reached at 415-575-4444. Growing up Sydney was described as a sweet and goofy girl who wasnt afraid of being herself. 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Many self harm injuries, stitches. I know there will be a lot of people out there who will think a certain thing happened to Sydney. Copyright 2013-2023 Stacey Freedenthal. Someone mustve seen something nothing is being ruled out. Her family has stated that she enjoyed the area around the Golden Gate Bridge, and it was not unlike her to take pictures and go for a walk or run. And the children are adults now. Yes I know this fear of failure as well. She struggled with being so far away from her parents and sister, who reside in North Carolina. What happens to them afterward? Holidays and milestones come and go while we continue to feelSydney's absence continuously. For suicidal individuals and their loved ones, survivors, mental health professionals, & others who care, Although severe depression led him to jump off the bridge, Kevin Hines, Yet it gives me great hope that the vast majority of suicide attempt survivors remain just that survivors. Others need to respect the decision. At the time of her disappearance Sydney was 5 feet 10 inches tall, weighs around 130 pounds with light brown hair and blue eyes. Between 1937 and 2012, an estimated 1,400 bodies were recovered of people who had jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, located in the San Francisco Bay Area in the United States. has some really good online sermons I highly suggest that. Anyone with information about Sydneys whereabouts is asked to contact private investigator Scott Dudek by texting or calling 925-705-8328. January 25, 2021 / 11:03 AM The Golden Gate Bridge came to be recognized as a symbol of the power and progress of the United States, and it set a precedent for suspension-bridge design around the world. I know that this surprises many people. She was carrying a black backpack and her light brown hair was pulled back into a bun. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, and was last seen wearing a sweatshirt, dark-colored shorts and blue Vans sneakers. While in Australia she started blogging about beginning to experience bouts of depression on top of her anxiety. Same with divorce. Enter your email address to receive notifications by email of new posts. "Jump." That's the word Kevin Hines heard in his head on September 25, 2000, as he stood on the Golden Gate Bridge. And now I have the means to do it. I will just speak it: Their lies destroyed me and there is no one on earth greater than you and those you love and want to protect. He has visited mental hospitals several times since his jump. When I will be talking to him, also sure helps me to see I am suicide attempt survivor. She was a student at Donlon Elementary and Hart Middle schools and attended Foothill High School for her freshman and sophomore years. I am very sorry for your loss. West was born in Walnut Creek and lived briefly in Castro Valley before her family moved to Pleasanton. In 2000, he actually did jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I agree with you completely, Anonymous. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wonder what psychotherapy he has tried. He has no one else but me. And they did for the Hollywood stuntmans attempt to sail off the Golden Gate Bridge on Feb. 6, 1948. I saw the signs, the depression, his feelings of hopelessness, but somehow its easier to see the signs after it happens and not while you are in the throes of this emotional rollercoaster. Rhodes also made the news in 1946 on a radio program called Truth or Consequences in which he was bizarrely tasked with living on a traffic island on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and La Brea for three weeks. Theres another post that might be helpful to you, too: You Cant Do Everything: Limitations in Helping a Suicidal Person. Thank you for contributing to the discussion. Her family relocated to North Carolina in July 2017. Its always women telling men what we should be. Watching "The Bridge" -- a new documentary that captures 23 suicide jumps from the bridge . Sergeant Kevin Briggs (also known as the Guardian of the Golden Gate Bridge [1] [2]) is a California Highway Patrol officer noted for his work in suicide intervention, having dissuaded more than two hundred people from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco Bay. God will come through for you but you have to make an attempt. I guess I have started to realize its not my faultits no ones fault when a loved one commits suicide. Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, is the author of the books Helping the Suicidal Person: Tips and Techniques for Professionals and Loving Someone with Suicidal Thoughts: What Family, Friends, and Partners Can Say and Do. Im not sure that preventing suicide is such a noble act. Peace be with you Steven. suicide sometimes defies even the best efforts to thwart it, University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work,, If Only: Self-Blame After a Loved Ones Suicide, You Cant Do Everything: Limitations in Helping a Suicidal Person, a meta-analysis of numerous studies that looked at bridges suicide barriers, Generally, research into method substitution, 10 Things Not to Say to a Suicidal Person. It is also possible she was wearing eyeglasses instead of contact lenses. People are stupid. I wish everyone could receive this gift, and I am grateful that you and others have done so! I hope he is seeing a psychiatrist for his medications, not a PCP, because psychiatrists are much more well versed in the benefits, risks, side effects, etc. Anyone in the Bay Area with any information regarding her disappearancecan contact Sgt. Thats simply not true, but it took stepping outside my beliefs, becoming teachable and following the leads of others to find a life worth living. A jump off the Golden Gate Bridge takes around four seconds, during which a person will reach a speed of 80 mphbefore smashing into the water's surface like concrete. And for most of those whose lives were saved, life goes on for many more years to come. Especially when its an opinion so your both right. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Your battle won matters. I am a 60+ year old woman with four grown kids and six grandkids and when the darkness set in I could no longer see the effect this would have had on their lives. I wear various hats: I created and maintain this website, Speaking of Suicide, I'm an associate professor at the University of Denver Graduate School of Social Work, and I have a psychotherapy and consulting practice. If prior research is any indication, the barrier will save lives, even when taking into account people who go elsewhere to die by suicide. Andrew was formerly a Creative Executive at Westbrook Studios. Therapists and doctors may help provide relief. Why Prevent Suicide? document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Rhodes had been seeking fame all his life, and successfully became one of Hollywoods first stuntmen, appearing in movies such as "Under Arizona Skies" and "Duel in the Sun," in which he performed a cliff jump. what can I do. This case has always stuck with me because I am in my 20s and suffer from anxiety and depression. This is perhaps why only one of Rhodes' three small parachutes opened, doing nothing to slow him down. Of the 515 people whose attempt was interrupted, only 35 later died by suicide in the years to come. And these different medications can be combined at various dosages. They lied about every imaginable factor of surviving in life. He had lost two fingers in a knife fight on the set of the movie "Scarface." For more information, click here. He now works daily, and diligently, to manage continued symptoms that can include depression and hearing voices. I live with a higher purpose now, but prior to my children I went through hell and constantly entertained the thought of killing myself. Dressed in a blue sweatshirt, leggings and Vans slip-on sneakers,. All rights reserved. It was a serious, intentional attempt to end my own life. Sydney is considered at risk due to depression, said SFPD Officer Robert Rueca to KRON4. I did find this website and it has so much information that I needed to read. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Had medical intervention on the second. I still think about suicide, although not as often. I blame myself 100% for her suicide. T he Golden Gate Bridge is one of the top suicide sites in the world, surpassed only by the Yangtze River Bridge in Nanjing, China.People have jumped off of the bridge for nearly as long as it's been accessible to the public; the first recorded suicide a World War I veteran suspected to have suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder took place less than three months after the . Precious few people survive such a fall; the water about 200 feet below acts the same as concrete when a person lands on it at high speed. West took a rideshare service to the Golden Gate Bridge; the driver cooperated with San Francisco police and is not believed to be a suspect. A good place to start is the Facebook group Live Through This. Thanks for sharing your story here. Leads continue to come in, her parents said. I mean how long can I go ahead. It was in 1984. Horrified spectators screamed and mothers covered their childrens eyes as Chief Sundowns lifeless body bobbed under the bridge and out to sea. Copyright 2013 Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, All Rights Reserved. Learn how your comment data is processed. My family lied to me about basically everything relevant and valuable in life. The decision collapsed Rhodes sister's claim that her brother was murdered as cameraman Guzman should have been in a boat to pull her brother out of the water. Tears ago, when my children were younger, I actually reached a point where I went beyond imagining the trauma and lifelong suffering, to my children; such was my pain. The sad thing is that, as I say in my letter, some of what your friend thinks and believes may actually be true, but his mind is probably also shutting him out of other truths that could balance out his pain. Thanks for sharing, Anne. San Francisco police and the Orange County Sheriffs Office in North Carolina did not immediately respond to a request for comment from SFGATE. He already had refused to get help or to stop drinking. Her parents,Jay and Kimberly West,said their daughter liked visiting that bridge and would go to nearby Crissy Field to exercise.

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